How to tell if your dating a married man

After 10 years of operating purely on brains and balls alone, I was completely dead inside. The military intentionally disconnects the brains and balls from embodied knowing because that’s our direct connection to the actual, tangible, visceral life we’re immersed in every moment, regardless what our brains have to say about it.

A man genuinely connected to his heart, who lives each day with his brain and balls in proper service to his heart’s deeper wisdom, is a man that breathes life into the world.

With an open heart, I’m more able to stay kind with an intimate partner acting out her pain. I hear this all the time from women, that their men don’t seem to be present with them. Being fully present is a full-body sport: it requires full participation of the head, the heart AND the balls.

When a man lives in his head or his balls alone, his partner won’t feel him present.

How does a man connected to heart show up everyday, not just when his team is down 5 points with a minute remaining? I was always impatient for the rest of the world to change so I could finally feel good, and I acted out in countless ways to make it change.

By its end, my ego had been gutted so profoundly, as I finally had to accept just how little I am in control of anything or anyone and just how messy life is no matter what I do to keep it clean.

This power source isn’t in our brains or our balls. We men tend to think of “heart” as merely something to help us win the close game or appeal to a woman’s romantic side.

When I was trapped in the brain-ball matrix, I would only listen to a girlfriend with the singular intent of evaluating to respond.

That one insight gave me access to an embodied patience with people, myself, with life, that I had never known, that no one ever taught me. Granted, my patience remains a work in progress for my brain and my balls still constantly seek to assert their authority.

But my heart is no longer slave to my brain or my balls.

I wanted to keep our thoughts in agreement because that’s the only place I figured peace of mind and sex could happen.

My attempt to intellectualize every argument however, mostly created chaos.

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The heart doesn’t laugh in shallow arrogance through a facade of “I’m better and smarter than you.” A man connected to heart knows we’re all made of the same stuff underneath the surface gloss. I saw this in my relationships with women who acted in destructive ways because they did not know how to effectively communicate their pain to me.

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